Life has been wild. Wildly great and also just regular fucking life lol. Ups & downs, anxiety spikes, working woes, therapy, great & bad dates and waiting for invoices to be paid. You know, regular life shit.
I’ve shared a lot about my life in this newsletter and it’s been really healing for me (and I hope others). From quitting my job, moving to a new city, breaking up with my longtime boyfriend, triggers, trauma and everything in between.
Since my last newsletter in December, I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to talk about for this one and a recurring theme kept popping up…friendship. I’ve referenced my friends a lot in these newsletters but I’ve never gone into depth just how much they mean to me…you guys, why am I tearing up already lol.
I was in the car heading back to LA from Cabo from our first annual bestie trip and saw a @wetheurban IG post about best friends. I said to myself, look at God. I immediately wrote in my notes app, “to friendship…”, hoping the words would come to me.
We had such a great time in Cabo because we’ve gone through so many chapters together and now one of us is entering motherhood for the first time. We’ve seen each other's light & experienced darkness together since we were 17/18 years old.
That got me to think about other friendships in my life. Both old and new but equally important.
I feel like as I’m getting older and heading into my mid/late thirties, I’m holding on super fucking tight to my friendships because I see how life bitch slaps everyone in the face (and it will truly bitch slap you...hard at that lol).
A backstory…because you know I love one!
I don’t have biological sisters but two older brothers.
I think God gave me chosen sisters on purpose.
I was born & raised in DC until I was around 6 or 7 and when my parents got divorced, my mom moved to Silver Spring, MD. Growing up in DC was very Black. I went to Shepherd Park elementary where I had some great bff’s, like epic bday parties & sleepovers! To this day, I still kinda keep up with them on IG which is one of the reasons why I love social media.
When we moved to Maryland post divorce, I went to a predominately white school and my friendships just weren’t the same. I was the only Black girl in my middle school and I couldn’t really relate to the white girls even though we were ‘friends’. Then I got to high school and was made fun of for talking like a white girl. I distinctly remember a friend say to me, “I’m going to make you Black this summer.” I was like shit, I can’t catch a fucking break lol!
Now, I still have a best friend from high school. My sister, Kanesha. I remember driving from Hampton University to North Carolina A&T for her Delta probate and wore a t-shirt that said “43 is my bff.” I remember her breaking down crying in my arms after she crossed. I was in her wedding, where she paid for my bridesmaid dress when we were 26 because I was broke af, mind you it was a whopping $70. I’ve seen Kanesha grow into a beautiful wife & now mom. It’s been a beautiful journey to see where we are now as 35 year old women.
Despite having a beautiful high school friendship still to this day, it wasn’t until college and beyond that I really found the meaning of friendship.
I met the truest definition of sisters at Hampton, Loni & Ashlee. Who introduced me to their best friend, Taylor, who then became my best friend. By way of my college boyfriend, he made his friend Janell become my big sister and she is the definition of an annoying & loving big sister to this day. I met my brother, Robert, who I had a class with every semester all the way to senior year. I met Ami by way of Loni and found out we grew up down the street from each other. I met big brothers & big sisters and all of these people are still major parts of my life and honestly, I’m missing a ton!
That’s how blessed I am.
It’s those people from Hampton who looked out for me in my early 20s in NYC. To them introducing me to people in their own lives, to then, those people becoming important people in my life. To gaining a Hampton friend post grad working at Abercrombie, to us reconnecting during the scariest time of her life when she was diagnosed with cancer. To Nicole who I met dancing on a couch in 2015 and now seeing her as a mom. To meeting my roommate Kelli in 2011 in NYC, becoming sisters and being a bridesmaid in her wedding last year. To my chosen family from working at Allied & Team Epiphany. To then new friends making the LA transition that much smoother. Making adult friends is actually fun.
You see where I’m going? Really… truly… fucking blessed!
Friendships are your chosen family and I don’t take that lightly. They go through ups & downs and seasons. People evolve and outgrow each other and from what I’m learning, that's ok too.
What I’m saying is, friendship is showing the fuck up despite where you are in life. These last three years since leaving my job have been the most liberating, emotionally taxing, beautiful and fucked up all in one lol but I’ve never felt more seen by the people in my life. That is friendship.
This is my thank you. If there’s words to describe that feeling of friendship, I’m not sure if I have it.
Thank you for…
the hand grab to let me know it’s ok to cry
the “how are you?”
the check ins
the tough conversations
the “hey hoochie, scally, b*tch, sister, girl” (whatever we call each other lol)
the face times (scheduled & random ones)
the “let’s unpack”
the “you don’t have to be strong right now”
the beauty in silence
the “it’s going to be ok”
being my taste testers & sous chefs
my editors & spell-checkers
my unpaid publicists & managers
the prayers (because having praying friends is really real)
the tight hugs
the deep belly laughs
allowing me to vent & breakdown
the couch to crash on
the “I recommended you for something”
the “of course” to my thank you
the dinners at home & out, brunches, happy hours, hikes, dog dates…all of it
Thank you for being my people…
I truly don’t know where I would be without my friends. We’ve gone through so much together. All of life’s moments that you can think of.
You all make my life rich & vibrant just by being in it and to that, I thank you. I hope if you’re reading this…call your friends, tell them how much they mean to you. My mom always told me to say “I love you” after every phone conversation and I will always say “I love you”, because you truly never know what can happen.
Love is a verb and when you are my friend I promise to show up for you fully, despite what stage of life I am in. My hope to you guys reading this newsletter is that you water & cherish those friendships that pull at your heartstrings so much that you cannot fathom life without them.
To my friends, you are the perfect finishing salt to any dish. In the words of Beyonce, I love you deep!
Until next newsletter.
Xo,
Alex
I’m tearing up! This is so raw and so beautiful. You’re so blessed to have a tribe of people who see you.
I absolutely ♥️this