To taking big bites...

...get it?

Hiii, it’s me lol

I know I’ve been away for a couple of months. Let me catch you up. In September, I moved from Brooklyn back to DC for love, so I’ve been getting adjusted and letting myself be present in DC….with lots of dinners, random meet-ups, happy hours & date nights - my budget hates me btw lol. 

Now it’s Tuesday, December 21st, and I tested positive for covid. This is quarantine day 7.

So, obviously, some reflection started to happen…

Well, 2021 was really good to me. Of course ups & downs because that is life, but my word for 2021 was abundance and I got that. However, before my last therapy session of the year, I was spiraling. Don’t we all spiral in some way at the end of the year? Like “OMG I wish I would’ve done xyz” and meanwhile she’s like “bitch, calm down”. Anyway, before our last session, and I was left to survive life on my own until the new year lol, she told me to delete social media until January and write a list of all accomplishments for 2021—big & small! I was like alright, alright!

Brief backstory…

I went to Mexico for a girls trip to celebrate a friend of mine’s birthday, and it was such a drunken good time. Then one of my friends had the bright idea of going to Miami from Mexico to visit our good friends and then go home. So of course I said, "fuck it LETS GO!" Miami was a great time. No real plans, but I know the purpose of my trip, looking back, was to have an IRL catch up with my good girlfriends. Face-times are cool, but an in-person catch-up is even better.  

Well, I changed my flight to land a little earlier because, let’s be real, I missed my man & bed, and I wanted to be home after almost a full week away. After me and the boo caught up for a bit we went to lunch in the neighborhood. He went to a meeting, and I went home and passed the fuck out. I woke up, felt my nose running & a slight sore throat, and I immediately thought, “Oh, Fuck”.  

Long story short, after a positive at-home test, negative rapid, & a positive PCR, my ass was quarantined for ten days. Yes, I am vaxxed, but let's be honest, I was living life as safe as I could be but also on planes, trains & automobiles for a lot of 2021. I took this as “Alex, sit the fuck down” (also, because I had to). It felt like a really bad head cold. The worst part for me was the chills and the night sweats. I would literally lay on the shower floor for 20 minutes while the hot water fell on me. My boyfriend and I live together and we did our best to quarantine separately since I tested positive. I slept in the bedroom and he slept on the couch, but between a negative rapid but positive PCR, he was already exposed. He's totally fine BTW. 

So obviously, now was the best time to do my therapist’s tasks. You know, when you have absolutely no choice because you're in isolation, lol.

I’ve been feeling the need to take a social media break for a while. I was burnt out from trying to create content for this community right here and wasn’t really feeling it AT ALL. I was racking my brain trying to cook recipes, shoot, edit, post, and promote all of that while keeping up with the changing video algorithm and tbh social media can be TEW much sometimes, ya know. I told myself I'd be back after my break in the new year, around two weeks-ish. I thought to myself, how can I show up and be the best version of myself on the internet if I’m actually not the best person IRL?

Being in quarantine and off social gave me exactly what I needed because I knew I needed to pull away.  It gave me a fucking break to just think & be. It’s been refreshing. I’ve been cooking (duh lol), listening to lots of podcasts, thinking about the future, lots & lots of convos with my boyfriend, adding everything to my cart (and checking out lol), some DIY projects, binging TV and being fucking present. 

Fast forward to NYE…

Full transparency, I am 100% that person who believes in rituals & all of that shit on NYE. I am fully that person who writes myself the letter to what I’m leaving behind and then burns it, aka releasing it into the universe. Last year, I damn near lit my house on fire so this year I took it outside lol. I know, very vibes & energy but I’m obsessed, I don’t care and I love it lol. 

So on NYE, I planned a couples massage at the house, made black eyed peas for good luck and wrote to myself what I was leaving behind in 2021. With a bottle of wine in tow, me and the boo headed to the roof to release all the bad vibes of 2021 into the air - he thinks I’m completely nuts but goes along with it lol. I said a little prayer and released my paper into the universe! Not sure exactly what throwing a piece of torn paper over my roof actually does but, I’m committing myself to well, myself & well being in life. 

When I was done, I asked my bf “what do you want to give up?” and among the other things he shared with me he said, “I’m taking big bites this year.” I said that's it!

We all go through a long laundry list of why we can’t do things. This is in regards to all things in life:

• I don’t have enough money 

• I’m not qualified enough

• I’m not creative enough

• I don’t have the resources 

• I don’t know how to start 

• I want it to be perfect 

• It needs to look like this

• I don’t have enough followers

• I don’t want to look silly 

• I don’t have the equipment 

• I’m not ready…because when are we ever really ready!?

Believe me when I tell you, that was (and still is me). We’re fucking human so we’re always going to be doubting ourselves at some point because listen that’s life! But what’s even better is taking that first baby step, even if it’s the smallest step ever. Because in all honesty, we’re the only ones in our way. 

So do that shit, whatever that means in your life.

Not to quote Issa Dee on the last episode of Insecure but to quote her when she said to Lawrence, “I’m willing to find out if it will work.” It really stuck, because to me, she was not only talking about her relationship with him but also her entrepreneurship and this whole journey I’m on, I’m more than willing to find out. Remember, we’re making the dash count (tbt to one of my newsletters quotes). 

So fuck it, no resolutions let’s just take big bites this year. Enough taste tests...

Until next newsletter.

Xo,

Alex