you are the love of your life

lessons from paris

This was written in Paris on 2.19 <3

I’m currently sitting in the restaurant at my hotel writing this, waiting for a luggage store to open so I can buy another bag to fit all the things I bought here. Aka mostly butter lol but also tons of condiments, coffee mugs (my fave) & a bagggg lol!

I leave back to LA in a couple hours, hoping to still have time to try Au Pied Cochon for their famous French onion soup. (update: they were closed lol)

I’m devouring the flakiest buttery croissant that has flakes all over me, it’s amazing lol and truly savoring my coffee.

Leaving Paris is bittersweet because it has truly restored me & shifted my mindset.

Let me explain…

I was VERY nervous coming here solo. Yes, I’ve been on a solo trip to Mexico City in 2021 but never this far.

Around December, I really wanted to go somewhere for NYE but it was wayyyyy too expensive. I was looking at all my delta mileage that I racked up over the years, so I just typed in LAX-CDG because I knew there was a direct flight to LA when I was in Greece for one of my best friend’s birthdays. I saw that my points covered my trip plus a business class upgrade so I hit book so quick!

I said, this is my gift to myself post egg freezing. Another act of choosing myself.

Of course, I’ve wanted to come here on a romantic trip with a man…make-out in the cutest dimly lit restaurant (I loveeee a good PDA lol) and watch the Eiffel Tower sparkle at night but that’s not where my life is right now so I said, “fuck it, why wait?”

Why wait for someone else to experience the life I want & can give to myself…

Leading up to the weeks, even days before leaving for Paris, the excitement started to wear off and anxiety started to seep in. Well it was both excitement & anxiety and two things can exist at once (thank you therapy).

I said to my best friend Ash at a party during a mental crash out day, “I almost cancelled my trip!” Even as my gay husband John was driving me to the airport I said, “what am I doing??!” and “will Grey be ok?! lol

I…was…spiraling!

I’m kinda getting emotional thinking about it now as I type this because it was all just worrying about the unknown. Basically everything is out of my control (and as a Taurus I like to be in control).

I’ve heard lots of things about Paris and to be honest mostly bad…

•the French are rude

•the food is not good

•they are not nice to Americans

I’ve heard it all but a good friend of mine, KG has only raved about Paris along with some other good friends of mine so I said, “I think I’ll be ok.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m an extrovert (with introvert tendencies as I’ve gotten older) but being solo made me nervous.

My big sister, Nelly said to me before I left, “This is going to be so great for you, go to the lounge at the airport & make it an experience!”

So I said, why not?! I checked my big ass overweight bag and grabbed a glass of prosecco before my flight to ease my nerves. As I boarded my flight, still spiraling (also, because the plane crashes that happened back to back and I JUST, like, JUST got good at flying in the last couple of years).

…I sat down and of course God & the universe gave me signs all a long the way to let me know I was going to be just fine.

A Black woman around my age and her mom boarded, both slightly {actually very} tipsy from the lounge lol. The daughter sat next to me and immediately, my nerves calmed. We talked a lot through the whole flight, I told her I was on a solo trip and she was so excited for me. I asked what her plans were & she goes very excitedly, “SHOPPING! I’m buying my first Chanel!” I told her I was thinking about getting one too but haven’t really decided.

She told me to book an appointment at the original Chanel store and just go & see! My ass booked an appointment as we were talking for the next day lol…and crazy enough, I saw her at my appointment! We screamed & hugged each other!!!

Another sign from the universe…

As I landed, navigating the airport to baggage claim, a little nervous because I was trying to think smart being solo & all. Because lets face it, when you travel with a man your mind turns off so I was like…

• “make sure your phone is gripped in your pocket”

• “Make sure your bag is closed”’

• “Do I have my passport?”

• “Check for your passport again” (30 seconds later lol)

While at baggage claim, this girl who was also on my same flight struck up a convo with me & we bonded over trying to get to the uber pick up together. Again, I shared I’m on a solo trip during our convo and she goes, “I truly love this for you. When you are open, you allow all the good to come in.”

That truly stuck with me. Be open to let good in.

This trip was nothing short of amazing for me. Paris is truly magical and I can’t quite tell you why unless you’ve been there. The people were incredibly kind to me even through my terrible basic af French, the food was simple but so rich…fucking incredible & made me appreciate the art of cooking even more.

…and also they loveeeee Black women in Paris lol like loveeeeee.

I did everything I wanted to do & truly nothing I felt the need to do from, “you gotta go here!” I wanted my trip to be all about pouring into myself & loving on myself. For me, it was all about wandering to see where the city took me, enjoying good food, learning more about French cuisine, visiting lots of coffee shops (for dreaming purposes & research), getting dressed for myself & of course, a little shopping.

I bought my first Chanel bag! It’s a big deal for me because I’ve always wanted one and I really wanted to buy it for myself as a, “bitch you did that.” I’ll remember that moment forever and God willing, if I have a daughter, she’ll get that purse and she knows mommy got that on a solo trip in Paris from the first ever Chanel store!

I also made it a point to dress up for dinner every night (give or take two nights since I was out all day). I forgot how it feels to dress up and get really pretty! Day to day life in LA, I’m home cooking (which for me is working) and in workout clothes. Aside from going out on the occasional weekends, I really forgot how good it felt to dress up.

It felt really fucking good…and to not do it for anyone but yourself. No date just me going out to dinner.

As for as meeting any men out there because I got lots & lots of DMs about that lol and I really love that you guys are rooting for my love life! I didn’t meet anyone, no number exchange…nada, because I truly believe God told me, “this trip is not for anyone but YOU.” I 100% believe that & relished in it.

I had great convos from people while dining alone & had a truly kismet moment with a very fabulous waiter, Edgar at Reyna. I shared it on social but I walked in about 25 minutes late from traffic, hoping they didn’t give my reservation up. He sat me at the communal table, came back & was like, “wait, why are you by yourself?! You look great!” I said, “I’m on a solo trip and dressing up for myself!” We had a whole convo about self love, mental health & dating.”

It was truly kismet.

Reyna has 2 seatings a night, one at 7pm and the other at 9pm so me being late I was going to be rushing thru dinner before the 9pm seating. Edgar came up to me while I was thinking about getting dessert and goes, “take your time, do not rush, I want you to have this moment for yourself.”

I actually teared up because being alone, sometimes you feel forgotten about and not just in dining. Being “solo” or “single” can feel lonely.

And in that moment, I just really appreciated feeling seen. Because thats what we all want, to feel seen…single or not.

The thing about being on a solo trip is you have no shield. It’s just you. I wrote this on one of my ig stories during my trip because I was getting a lot of messages about being scared to take a solo trip. Being solo is VERY vulnerable. It’s literally just you. You’re not with your friends, a partner or your family…it’s literally just you, so it’s truly up to you if you want to flirt with the universe and see what being open gets you…I promise you it’s really good.

You get to be with yourself all day, all night & alllllllll your thoughts. Were all the days easy? Absolutely not! lol that’s life! Valentine’s Day was a little hard during dinner. I was surrounded by couples & galentine’s dinners, so of course I had a moment but the biggest thing I can do for myself, is love myself the way I want to because I am the love of my life…a partner is only a cherry on top to my already rich life.

My biggest take away from this whole trip, was how the French ‘do life’. Along my days walking the city streets, I always noticed people at cafes in the am. Like the 8am/9am hour when people are at work or headed to work and the French were just literally enjoying their cups of coffee. I was like does anyone work lol?! They were not in a rush, not taking it to go but sitting down savoring every last sip while people watching sitting side by side. While on my food tour, I asked my guide, “why the leisurely lunches & am coffee?” He said, “we savor connection & what is the point in rushing through life. We savor it.”

…and as I head back to LA, I want to savor my life way more, until the very last fucking drop.

If you’ve read my newsletter from December about my word of the year then you know my word(s) of the year are intentional & abundance….and let me tell you how fucking intentional & abundant this trip was! Even down to my hotel room numbers. The first hotel, I stayed in 352 & the second hotel, after she randomly upgraded me, I stayed in 52….isn’t that wild?!

God is saying to me, “I’m showing you how good it can get, just watch.”

…and I’m seeing (and feeling) it everywhere.

Until next newsletter,

Xo,

Alex