the need for a soft landing...
“warriors need protection too”
A couple of weeks ago, I was having a conversation with my mom about a family situation that sent our immediate family into a whirlwind of emotions for a couple of weeks.
It was a lot on my parents, especially my mom because she is the ultimate empath. She feels deeply and often times takes on the stress of whatever it is. My mom being 73 and me being 3,000 miles away in LA, I felt the need to go into protective, strong daughter mode.
I’ve seen all the chatter about the eldest/only daughter on social recently and I felt every bit of it. I was handling something for my mom and she casually said, “Al, you’re such a warrior.” I paused and said back to her, “yea, I am but warriors need protection too.”
…and I really meant it.
Most of my online community is made up of Black women (and I love that so much) so you guys know what I’m talking about. Black women are looked at as the backbone of the family, the strong woman standing behind the man but have you ever thought about who is behind her, holding her up? I know this is metaphor and could be looked at in so many different ways but when she said that to me, I really took some time to reflect and think about what I actually want and need.
A backstory…
A couple of days before that convo, I actually had a pretty emotional, much needed cry because I finally broke and let myself feel all the emotions over the last couple of weeks. For context, it’s not just family stuff but also letting myself emotionally release from all the work rejection that’s been coming at me at lightening speed (don’t get me wrong, there’s been a lot of good too!) but gottttt damn the rejection has been brutal! Also, as you know, I live my life on social media so still pushing out recipe content, weekly newsletter recipes, showing up for the people in my life, being a dog mom, turning in partnership deliverables, etc. etc…so basically life lol.
As I was crying, I literally whispered out loud without even thinking, “who is going to protect me?”
In that moment I felt very alone and to be honest, I’m really tired…
Do not get me wrong, I am BEYOND blessed for the life I’m creating out of my passion for cooking. I say this all the time, but I am truly living in my purpose. Whenever I get a DM, a text or someone stops me IRL and says, “I love your recipes!” or “thank you for your newsletter because it really resonated with me”, it really brings me so much joy, truly.
But I am tired and sometimes, the “warrior” daughter needs a soft landing.
A true partnership…
If you’ve been around here for a while, I feel like you guys know my two married best friends, Loni & Taylor. I’m using Tay as an example because during her birthday last December, her husband posted the most simple but deeply thoughtful caption. Tay, who is a new mom to a beautiful baby girl, it was her first birthday as a mommy and her husband’s message to her, was all about seeing her…all of her.
It hit me hard because I was going through another failed dating experience and seeing that made me feel better. I remember texting my other best friend Ash like, “Eric truly sees Taylor” and as a woman that is really all you can ask for. Also, grateful that my best friend has that.
Someone who truly sees you. Imperfections, insecurities, bad bitch-ness lol and all.
When Taylor is finally done for the day, closes her laptop from her demanding job, cooks (which is something I know brings her so much joy), feeds and puts her daughter down for bed…he is her soft landing.
You see where I’m going?
Of course, I literally have the best of friends and not only the friends I’ve had since college but also new adult friendships from various chapters of my life. Even the ones I’ve made being here in LA for my 2ish short years.
But the constant disappointment in dating, gets emotionally tiring and social media can be really overwhelming. You see a new engagement, wedding, baby announcement, shit even a cookbook deal announcement (because that’s where I’m at too) and I don’t care what anyone says but you can’t help but think, “will that ever be me?” …and what I’ve learned from therapy two things can exist at once, happiness for someone else & a sense of sadness at the same time.
Circling back to my emotional cry…
As I was finally releasing all the emotions I had bottled up all while Grey was looking at me like, “um mom, I’m hungry” lol I blurted out what I actually needed in that moment…a safe space.
I am a very strong woman who has made a beautifully rich abundant life for myself but all I needed in that moment was a tight hug from a partner where I could just collapse & release.
I texted my therapist so fucking quick to move up my appointment to earlier in the week. During our session she had me close my eyes and go to a place in my childhood where I felt I needed protection/a safe space.
Ummmm, can you say fucking tears!!! Great exercise that I never want to do again lol.
She asked me, “what does little Alex need?”
I said, “a really tight hug. Like the hug where you put your head on the other person like everything is going to be ok while you’re balling crying, type hug.”
She goes, “it’s ok to still protect little Alex & want protection”
…instant tears 😭
So, little Alex…
I will always protect you and until there is a man that wants (and deserves) to be your soft landing and someone that truly see you, I will always be that for you...forever & always (and Grey too lol)
Until next newsletter.
Xo,
Alex
Thanks for sharing Alex. Eldest daughter as well and while I am single, just not currently dating… those same feelings still hit. You are not alone 🫶🏾
As you had your instant tears during your therapy session, reading this brought on instant tears for me. Thank you for your vulnerability.